I'm Pretty Sure I'm Awesome

yeeaaaaaahhh... I just spent the last twenty minutes unraveling my sock because there was a loose string and I don't like loose strings on my clothing :S

the sock deserved it for being stringy anyway :D

I don't have much to report today, I was pretty much online talking to my lovely ladies of SM all day, I almost started organizing my scrapbooking stuff but then realized I couldn't find any tape so I gave up on that I probably could have colored in my epic dinosaur coloring book but I didn't manage to do that either :S

for the most part I've had a pretty lazy day, I really should start cleaning house though, Leo could be here any day D:

ah-hahahahahaha, Stop that!

So I went to go see Alice in Wonderland, anyone who has me on facebook already knows I was a tad dissapointed but it can't really be helped, I can barely remember any of the characters, none of the actors/actresses made their character very memorable. Except Alice, but she was also the main character next to the Mad Hatter (who was more of a tragic character than an insane character) I think Tim could have added a little more dark humor, I was honestly bored with the entire movie and the "insane" characters talked so quickly it was hard to follow the plot. But it's wasn't all that bad (even if it really shouldn't have been 3D, really it would have been just as good 2D I barely even noticed it was 3D the only thing that kept reminding me was those obnoxious glasses :S) out of five stars I'll give it four :3

hehe it's 11:11 right now I just made a wish
/nerd moment

on another note I'm making like 3 scarfs right now, I'm knitting two and crocheting one, I could be doing one more right now cause I have another crocheting needle but working on three at one time is confusing enough xD

maybe when they're done I'll post pictures or something ..... I still have to post pictures of the thank you cards ><
BUT they aren't REALLY finished yet so I still have some leeway :D

Any way I'm so tired, I just figured I would keep up with this blog so that it doesn't die. That wouldn't be good xD

NightyNight

~Meghan

Two days past?

Yup, I've been a little lazy I'll admit. Tired, exhausted, school is stressing me, but those are all silly excuses, I was going to tell you a story about Rob, Kara and Dannie. I'm not particularly in the mood but it's got to be told eventually.

Rob and I had been together for a year and three days, as I had mentioned before, my closest friend through that entire time was Kara, we met in school, it was our Junior year at that time, she was always there for me, she said she thought Rob was a bum at first, but her and I had to practice for forensics and he was available to help us with the male parts. The entire time we were at his house he was flirting with her non-stop and she was embarrassed because she doesn't get flirted with often but she acted as if he was just acting stupid, although later she admitted that she was kind of enjoying the flirting and pushed it on a little.
The next week Rob invited her and I to his youth group where he payed all of his attention to her and completely ignored me the entire time, I was really jealous but didn't say anything, afterward he was paying even MORE attention to her and was holding her hand and even laughed at me and said "so?" when I said he was acting like a prick for flirting with my best friend shamelessly in front of me.
The next day, I broke it off saying that I didn't care if she dated him but I wasn't going to hang around, and they did start going out... but my plan didn't go to well. Rob said that I HAD to hang out with him because he couldn't lose me as a friend. I said fine just don't do shit in front of me, he agreed.... and then failed to up hold his half, but stupid me I still hung around. Eventually after three weeks to a month he got bored with her because she wouldn't spread her legs and started going back out with me.

Now that I've elaborated on that I'll go into the REAL story that I've been meaning to tell (or at least the first part will be in this next paragraph-ish-thing)

As you know I got pregnant, I tried to break it off plenty of times with him but it never lasted because he always promised that he would change or something along those lines, once I did go on a three day streak where I was "thinking" about whether I was going to break up with him or not, and at the end of that one where I said I had come to a decision, he saw the look on my face and got down on his hands and knees in the middle of a fucking parking lot and started begging me to not leave him, saying on his camping trip he had come to a spiritual revelation and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he couldn't live with out me. Silly me, I took him back just so he would stand the fuck up and quit embarrassing me, but within the next week I ended it for good. We were all at Kara's house, Dannie, Kara, Rob and I (I haven't mentioned Dannie because she's just kind of there, unnoticeable really but she was sitting on the couch during this episode). I had basically been pulling myself away from Rob because I didn't like him anymore, and he noticed and asked me if I loved him still and I said no and that I really didn't want to be in this relationship any longer. He simply stood up, said he was going to look for jobs in Superior and left, Kara, Dannie and I all looked at eachother in amazement, we all expected him to explode on me and a huge argument to ensue.
Turns out he didn't go to Superior, instead he went and bitched about me to his mommy, bummed around for two days then came back to Kara's house, the whole crew was there again, along with one extra person who played a big part in the situation, Ryanne, I'm using her real name because I'm still friends with her and I don't want to remember seven billion different names. I was there because I had nothing better to do and I just completely ignored him, to me, he wasn't even there, I just talked to Kara and Dannie the entire time. Dannie then suggested that we go to the park, innocent enough, we went the girls and I talked then we went home.
HERE was where he finally said something to me something along the lines of 'please talk to me and at least be civil' except I remember it being more pathetic sounding and annoying but I'm probably biased.
I asked him what there was to talk about and he said 'anything' and then proceded to talk about how he's right, I'm wrong and we should just get back together and live happily ever after. By the time he had finished saying what he wanted to say, we were back at Kara's house, Ry had went home to grab something to eat but was going to come back, Dannie was in the shower and Kara was on the computer.
Then it was my turn to talk, but I barely got anything in, I said that I just didn't want to be with him and he interrupted me and  asked why. At the time I was on the spot and didn't have a witty response that I would have liked to say, so I just said 'i don't need a reason, I don't want to be with you plain and simple' and each time I said something he would return with, 'that doesn't make any sense we should get back together and live happily ever after' (although not in those words obviously, that's just what I got from them)
I eventually got frustrated because the conversation was going in circles, I hadn't had lunch yet and I was becoming dehydrated, and raised my voice a notch, he still wouldn't listen so I decided to turn the conversation to me and say "I'm hungry, I'm dehydrated, I need some water" but he wouldn't let me get any and kept acting like a broken record so I raised my voice considerably, but not quite yelling yet, and said "I need some water move!" to which he responded "DON'T SCREAM AT ME!!!!" yes, that voice inside your head that just screamed in a very loud and scary way, that's what happened.
I then ducked under his arm (in court he said that I had shoved him out of the way) and ran to the front door, opened it but then he slammed it before I could get out, picked me up and threw me across the room towards the back door so I used my momentum to make it there and I tried to open the back door but it was stuck I heard him say to Kara "call 911" I had just unjammed the door when he had got to me and when I felt him towering over me I covered my stomach and he hit me, close fisted, in the arm and managed to get a hit in my lower abdomen. After the hit to my stomach he stopped and wrapped his arms around me and started chanting "I'm sorry I'm so sorry" and I responded by screaming "let me go, don't fucking touch me, get off me" I managed to push him off just enough so that when Ryanne came through the front door he was able to turn around and look to see who was there, I took that opportunity to run out the back and down the street.

That's basically all there is to know about that situation. If he hadn't made a plea bargain the charges would have been Child Abuse, False Imprisonment, and Endangerment. That's allot of years. Instead the felony charges were dropped to misdemeanor charges and he now has 18 months probation, I believe it's been 5ish that has passed since then? Either way he can't see me until Leo is one and a half (that's what mom said anyway I never felt like doing the math)

Now there's another story that I feel the need to add on to the end of this, it's the story that explains why Kara and I are no longer on speaking terms. Now Kara was absolutely terrified of Rob after the assault, Dannie wasn't though, she invited him to her house during lunch frequently which is I guess how Kara stopped being afraid of him. But either way they started talking again, and then Rob started telling her that he's always loved her, that she was the only one for him, and that he would wait until marriage to have sex and all that other junk, the same shit he was saying to me before I broke up with him.... minus the sex part obviously. And eventually she gave in and said: okay fine, I'll go out with you again but you have to prove yourself to me.
Which I'm guessing he did because when my birthday came around I had made plans to hang out with everyone, then have Kara stay the night so we could go to Irvine Park and just fuck around and be stupid like we used to, instead she and Dannie went to Dannie's house because Dannie's mom wanted to "talk to Kara" they were gone for 20 minutes and came back we finished watching the mockumentary that I had gotten from netflix, ate cake and dinner...... and then everyone left claiming exhaustion............... at eight thirty, AND they dragged Ryanne out too saying they would take her home. I go upstairs, alittle depressed because my plans were ruined and my eighteenth birthday was turned to shit only to see out my window KARA'S CAR at none other than Rob's house and they're laughing and talking and having a swell time, except Ry because they threatened her if she told me what they were doing. I was obviously pissed but let it go because I didn't know what was really going on, the next day Kara's status on Facebook said "watching a movie with the BF talk to you later", she then messages me on Facebook saying "hey don't be mad at me" I was already furious but asked her why shouldn't I be mad at her, she then said she didn't want to hang out with me that day and I went off, I was beyond mad, I never confronted her about seeing her at Rob's house but I should have, I told her how great of a friend she was and how she always cared so much for me as a friend  *scarcasmscarcasmscarcasm*. I had virtually no friends after that except Ry, and I quickly started hanging out with Julie after that episode.

Any way, that's that, and that is why I don't talk to Kara, and why I barely acknowledge Dannie.

anywho, Long post is long, it should make up for the lazy days at least.

Hmmmm...Talking.. and Secret Code Names?

So today I was going to go ahead and explain my traumatic experience of being attacked by someone you thought you could trust, but it was so long ago (the last day of August last year) and I'm just not in a "Ranty" mood anymore, not really. I will however set the ground work so that I can tell the story more easily.

Basically the purpose of this blog is to explain quickly who the main people are, out of respect to these other girls I refuse to use their real names because I'm not like them, they were my friends and I don't turn my back on people just because someone else says I should, so I'm using false names for these people because I'm not going to talk about them very often. Now, on the other hand I will not use a fake name for Rob, I know I'm going to be talking about him too much to keep up a false name, and I'm sure I would forget it anyway. Anyway I will put it in writing for you who these people are and what they were to me.

Rob~ When I first moved to Wisconsin I didn't have many friends (obviously I had just moved here) but I met Robert through two different people, it was his birthday and that night he asked me out, this was August 25th, we were "going steady" if you would like to call it that, for a while, he had been slowly manipulating me until I wouldn't have a life if it weren't for him, he was my afterschool, my before school, he was even my lunch (we get open campus... and no nothing gross, all we would do is stand in the DQ parking lot smoking cigarettes). He had started to control who I was talking to online and in real life, and talking to guys was definantly out of the question, otherwise I was cheating, I simply didn't realize what he was doing to me until it was too late. I became pregnant, and I wouldn't take that back for the world, I love my little boy more than anything but it was here, when reality punched me in the face, that I grew up damn quick, and he didn't. He was still doing his drugs and everything else he could think of, I'll admit he tried but it was always temporary and he would go back to doing what he did. I ended it eventually, Three days after his birthday, a year and three days.

Now there's more to the story but that's for later

Kara~ Kara, (like I said before I'm using fake names for everyone else) she was my best friend, her and I could do anything together, she was my first legitimate friend here.... but not anymore, I can explain that when I tell the rest of Rob's story.

Dannie~ Dannie is a follower, she doesn't really associate herself with anyone, but she likes to create drama, whether she knows it or not that's what she does and it drives me nuts, this is one of the reasons why I stopped talking to her but there's another reason too, and that's going to be explained with Kara.

so now you know the people who WERE important in my life at the beginning of the school year, I'll just leave it at that for now.

But I do have something nice to type about, I had an hour + long conversations with my mommy, I don't understand it anymore really, before I really could have cared less if mom wanted to talk to me, and I really didn't like listening to her because she can drag on sometimes. But damn that changed, I fucking love my mom, It's like I've become a clingy little puppy dog when it comes to her, and I'm not really ashamed to admit it.
We talked about my boy, and how it'll be growing up, how we'll have to adjust the pets to his smell and how I need to rearrange my room to fit the needs of a small infant and so much more. Talking with my mom is amazing now, and I think it has something to do with the fact that I've grown up a little and I don't want to lose my mommy, but the conversation was nice, I really enjoyed it.

Now I'm off to bed goodnight my Loverlies ♥

~Meghan

It's how early?

Weirdest shit.

I've been waking up in the middle of the night recently not always at the same time but I've still been waking up and usually it's in the middle of a dream. The most I remember from this dream was being back in my old town in Texas, Garland, and theres a huge collection of people in my front lawn including a huge array of stereotypes most memorable was the Pagan, the curious Prep, and someone who had been following me around the entire dream although I don't remember what they looked like. The Pagan girl was meditating in a very ritualistic way and I had looked at her and said "that was fun" to the person who had been following me, getting the Prep to lean in while my friend asked what I ment, I indicate that I'm talking about the Pagan girl and the Prep is like "what what is she doing?" so I explain very simply that she's meditating, this entire time the girls eyes had been closed and when I looked at her again they were opened and I was startled. "you're behind me by a month" she said very eerily and I'm like: "yeah, I've been really busy recently, Senior year and all..." then she gets up and we all start talking and this HUGE black wolf/dog/thingy comes out of nowhere and is just watching us for a while but then gets very growly and starts approaching me. I'm not very nervous for some reason but simply ask him why he's so flustered, he then stalks around me and growls at a car that's leaving my driveway, it's a light blue Prius, I specifically remember the brand of car for some reason, and it speeds off while another car pulls into my driveway, rolls down the window and sticks out a gun, I start running toward the car and so does the wolf but before anything else could happen, before I could figure out who the person was aiming at... I woke up. :S

Now I have no Idea what it means but maybe I can look at it again later and figure it out, that's why I'm posting it here because I had conveniently left the window open for some reason, and I don't have Microsoft Word on my computer.

After I wake up I go to the bathroom, now when I opened my door Lucy wasn't in the hallway but I heard her snore really loudly while I was in there doing my thing so when I go back out I look at her door and see that she's laying in the hallway curled up into a ball. I walk over there and rub her back and ask her what she's doing out here. She tells me her pull-up leaked so I told her to go potty again because it's late enough in the morning that she won't go again until the sun is fully up, and to put some panties on while I change her sheets, that way at least she can sleep in her bed.

I don't know, it really seemed to correlate to me for some reason but yeah Weird, anyway I'm back to bed for another hour, Yay.

Just a Boring Day♪♫

So, today wasn't as cool as I had hoped, I had a weird ass dream about breaking the neck of some kind of Pokemon (yeah, surprise surprise, Meghan is a nerd ♥) and then I think Ashlee was in my dream but I'm not sure, if she was it was at the end and it was because I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at her Facebook status.

I watched It's Alive earlier, honestly I'd have to say it's one of the worst horror cult flicks I've seen in a while, (warning if you're curious about the movie skip this paragraph because I'm giving you the whole rundown) I mean, it's supposed to be psychological because it's about a young woman who takes a bunch of pills to kill her baby but then she regrets it and gets very sick so she prays that her baby will live and be okay, but then when she has the baby, at six months into her pregnancy mind you, and the kid is healthy enough to rip four adult doctors/nurses to shreds. The kid, Daniel, through the course of the entire movie eats what looks like a skunk, the family cat, a rat, a fawn, his mother's nipple, a little bird, a BIG rabbit, a therapist, the mother's best friend and her boyfriend, and a cop. The mother actually CATCHES Daniel eating the little bird, he's got it decapitated and is munching away, she gasps and picks up her two month old child (whom had crawled out of his crib and caught the bird himself because this was after he ate the cat) and tells him "never ever, EVER eat that, never again, never" plops him in the tub, washes him up and puts him back in the crib for a little nap. After that the psychiatrist comes over because he is sure that she knows something about the murder of the four hospital employees that performed her c-section she lets him in but when he suggests hypnosis she freaks and makes him leave, the guy gets in his car, put it in gear and "CRUNCH" OH MY GOD HIS FINGERS ARE GONE!!! blood spatter on the windows ensues. Mommy goes into check on Daniel and, surprise, surprise, he's not there, she goes out to find the car all bloody, finds the kid still in the car, bathes him and puts him in his crib, then she Drives the car somewhere, leaving the child all alone for maybe ten minutes while she ditches the body and the car in the woods and runs back to her house and makes a great big romantic dinner for the hubby. There is so much more that I could bitch about here but I really need to move on now lol

So basically, I wasted 90 minutes of my day watching this Piece of shit. xDD

Besides that lame ass movie, My mommy bought everything on my March WIC checks today, I got plums, apples, and baby carrots along with 5 gallons of milk (which will probably be gone within 3 weeks with how I drink it xDD) and lots of other snackies for me to munch on :D

I also started to write out allot of my Thank You cards from the BabyShower (for anyone who is curious I have at least 40 cards to write and send out within the next two weeks.. AND they're homemade *headdesk*) The cards are REALLY cute, if I had the time to scan one to put on here I would, maybe I'll do it tomorrow but it's late and I have school tomorrow xD

So my lovelies, I'm going to go eat an apple, check everything one last time, and go to bed ♥

~Meghan